Scene 1: Morning Onslaught.

   Upon awakening, she immediately hears the cries of outrage coming from the creature who wishes to be released from his prison. It is her daily duty to guard and care for him as he roams freely about the home. She lets him out and heads for the scullery to prepare his meal. Trying to remain pleasant, as he throws a tantrum and begins clawing at her legs, she kindly allows him a small snack... mostly to buy herself time. He has calmed down, for the moment.
   She goes about her task and then, from elsewhere in the castle, she hears that someone is screaming for her. It is the other, older creature. It wakes up out of sorts and unhappy with life, as is usual for him upon awakening.
   Now she is trying to finish preparing the morning meal for two very unhappy little creatures, who are now trying to trip her. Her temper is quickly rising. And she prays (mutters) for strength from God Almighty.
    Finally, the meal is ready and it is time to feed them. They are happy for the moment, and slightly impatient, as the excitedly await the reveal of the tasty treat she has prepared for them. It is placed in front of them. The younger of the two devours his food as if he breathed it in. The older creature? He has decided that his meal isn't fit. It doesn't please his palate. And suddenly, it has been strewn across the floor.
  The youngest has begun painting with his food and drink. The oldest is yelling about how he doesn't want to eat and now, a word fighting-match is going on between him and her. Battle of the wills. Things escalate.
   "JUST! STOP!" She screams. She has turned into a monster. Trying to keep control of the situation and keep it peaceful and civil has gone out the window and now she is in survival mode. She snatches their plates from in front of them and chucks them in the sink. She feels as if the walls are closing in as the little creatures continue to scream and yell and cry... AT her. Nothing she does makes them happy. And she never gets a thank you.
    She washes off their mess and releases them from the dining table. Now they are happy because they can play with the master of the house. He is fun. They tackle him with adoration and the creatures begin to giggle. She watches. And feels left out. Needed but not wanted. Necessary but not adored. She is jealous, but must accept that this is her "role"... the "bad guy".
     She tidies up the mess from the breakfast event. She has calmed down and has returned to her human form.
      Once that task is finished, it is time to dress the beastly creatures. This too, of course, is a nasty battle. Clothes are on, and she smiles. She has had small victory.
    But then! But then, the creatures turn on each other. Hitting and Shoving. Probably some biting. And of course, yelling. It quickly gets out of hand and one of them is hurt. She tries to figure out the cause of the mini war, but only one of the creatures can communicate properly. So naturally his story is biased, towards himself being the victim of a cruel, and "unnecessary" attack from the little one. Who knows for sure if this story he has concocted is true?
     She has reached a point where either she will turn into a monster again or will put up her flag of defeat. But she really cannot do either. To become the monster again means she will feel more self loathing and guilt and to admit defeat means she isn't doing the job she was given.
    So what does she do? She puts them back in their prisons (trying to tune out their cries of protest) so they will hopefully sleep for a few extra hours. She simply does not have it in her for even one more battle.

    If you're a mom, this might sound like your morning. This IS is my morning. This morning, in fact: May 24, 2014. Obviously, I've changed this into a more fantastical and horrific sounding experience. But there is still truth. My children were out of hand, grumpy, and angry this morning. Demanding every ounce of my energy that I could muster. And it's true that I did turn into something I loathe.... a screaming and angry "monster" who mutters under her breath and angrily tosses dishes and food in the sink. It is also true that the boys prefer their daddy (Note: Jeff backs me up, helps me, and disciplines the boys too. We are a team.). Because they do not see him all day, he is seen (in my boys little minds) as mommy's minion. Not the one making them do the things they don't want to do, just the messenger.
     I am not perfect. By any means. Obviously. Especially in the mornings. I'm grumpy. Especially when I'm also sick. But this isn't an excuse. Or, at least.... it shouldn't be. But I use it. It is a daily struggle and learning process of mine. To never settle for the bad issues (the sin) that I have in my life. But to constantly strive to be a better version of myself. Not perfect, because I'm not Jesus, but better than I was yesterday. And thankfully, God has promises in His word that He will never leave us or forsake us and that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. This leaves no room for excuses, only improvements.
   So today, in your humanness... be encouraged. You can be better. You can change. It's OK that you've stumbled.
    Pick yourself up and try again.
   

Speaking to Myself...

   The beginning of May has proven, in my life, to be an extremely "life changing" time for me for the last 6 years. Graduation in 2008. Started dating, for the first time ever and to the man I would marry, in 2009. Married on May 8th 2010. The following year was probably the least crazy in the last 6 years but still, we were preparing for baby #1, and that is pretty life changing. 2012, we had a 7 month old and became pregnant with our 2nd (surprise!) child and aside from that, we decided to prepare our house for renting it out and were packing to move in with friends (We'll never be able to show you just how much we appreciated that Jennifer and Adam). In May of last year, we had a 3 month old, moved from a crappy apartment to a nice 1 bedroom in 1 1/2 weeks notice, and during all of this, we were preparing for Jeff's impending deployment.

   This year brings it's own changes: I have 2 toddlers (phew! Exhausting, but so wonderful.), Jeff is home from deployment and we are STILL, after him having been home for 3 months, trying to figure out how to function as a family/as a couple... and lastly, we are moving...again! (6 times in 2 years? It's like we're an active duty military family or something.) The process for closing on this house has been stressful, to say the least, and is really affecting the sanity of the 4 of us. 

   In all of these 6 years, there were moments or days of pure joy, laughter, beauty, hope, and peace. But quite honestly, and my husband will agree, the last 6 years of our life have been severe growing years. Rough on our finances, our marriage, our Faith, our children, our jobs.... It has been a constant and seemingly never ending harassment, one after the other. And frankly, I'm beat up, worn down and just DONE.

    My question to myself has been, "does it ever end?" I'd guess that you've asked yourself this during the difficult seasons of your own life. 

   The amazing thing about life, and we see it in everything God created, the seasons especially, is that it is always changing. Some of these changes are sweet and beautiful and nourishing, like Spring. Like getting married or having kids and the beautiful moments that come with those.

   The difficulties and tough changes we experience grow us, change us, and test our faith and beliefs so that we can have that beautiful season and have it to it's fullest. 

    This is no new concept to you, I'm sure, it's a well known truth about life.
    So how do we get through these "dark" times? With patience, an open mind to allow yourself to learn from the experiences, and a positive attitude. And for me, through prayer and studying the Bible and the Truths God put in there and also through seeking the wisdom and advice of someone you trust who has gone through it before.
   I dare you to try these things through your own frustrating season and just see what will happen. Allow yourself to learn and change. Try not to grumble about all the things going wrong or that went wrong. Pick yourself up and try a new tactic with a positive attitude.

    I am almost sure that this next season of my life (once this move is over) will be a more quiet and peaceful one in which I can enjoy the things I've learned and appreciate the beauty that seemed unavailable before. I can recharge before we get to another season of growing pains and learning.

     I hope you feel encouraged with the words I have written to you and that you have renewed hope that your springtime is coming and that you can learn to allow this tough season to change you and cultivate you into a more beautiful and successful person than before.

    6 So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. 7 These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.   1 Peter 1:6-7 (NLT)