As I sat there listening, I heard a voice in my own head, one I'd been hearing for awhile but didn't realize had been there, lying to me. "Not you. You don't get a testimony like that. Mental and Emotional issues don't get a testimony. Sure, maybe you'll get better one day than you are now... but you'll never really recover. Never really heal."
And in that moment, where I finally stopped ignoring that nagging voice and faced it head on, I asked "Why not? Who are you to tell me I can't be free?"
I've been living and dealing with this thought at the back of my head that I'll never get to stand up and share my testimony.I had the idea that there is no hope for those of us dealing with this very real issue. It's really never talked about in the Christian community. Because, if you are sad and depressed then you must not have the joy of the Lord. If you have OCD and anxiety, how can you be 'casting all your cares on him'? Christians are not allowed, it would seem, to struggle with mental and emotional health. But we (Christians) can have cancer and still be allowed to be called Christians. We can deal with infertility. We can have marriage struggles. We can face addictions such as gluttony or gossip or even have a past with drugs and alcohol abuse. But heaven forbid we have mental health issues. Because that is a sure sign that you are truly not a Christian. After all, if you really had accepted Jesus.... you would be happy and thankful for everything all the time! Right?
Wrong. Unfortunately, sin came into this world and one of the many consequences of sin is mental and emotional health. And sadly, one of the things that makes these particular issues even more difficult to deal with is isolation. And Satan knows this. So he spread a rumor in the Christian community that mental and emotional health aren't to be discussed. In fact, he spread the rumor that it's shameful and 'unfaithful' to deal with these things. He went a step further and zeroed in on warriors and mothers. Let's give soldiers PTSD and depression... so that those who have protected and served can deal with voices and guilt in their heads. So they see over and over the things they've had to do to protect loved ones, to protect their country. Where what they've seen from the enemy, consumes their sleepless nights. So they are rendered useless. Let's give the mothers anxiety and anger issues, depression and OCD so that they feel unworthy and overwhelmed at the beautiful gift of motherhood. Let's give the nurturer of the human race morbid thoughts and then make her feel shameful for a thought she never put there or wanted in the first place. Let's render her useless.
I'm here to shout boldly from my rooftop... that it's normal to have a human issue. And you WILL have your testimony. Keep following after the very heart of God. Seek Him. Put His Word in your heart. Speak life. Press on.
Mental and Emotional health issues make the best kind of testimony, in my (probably biased) opinion... because the battle isn't seen as much. It's harder to talk about. It's harder to get help for. Shoot, it's hard to find proper help professionally, especially in a religious setting. But you have been redeemed! God sent His only Son to die in your place and defeat your sin. To defeat your death. By rising again. So you may have life and have it abundantly. Because of this, we can press on towards healing, in whatever form that is, with whatever struggle you are dealing with.
My testimony isn't finished. Not until I see those 'pearly gates'.... but I'm incredibly thankful that I can share my testimony in the midst of making it and walking through it. Someday, I hope to stand in front of crowds of women, giving them hope that they too will beat their own demons. Through Jesus Christ.
It is my sincere hope that this post speaks to you wherever you are today. Whether you're past your prime or are a new mom or a teenager. Don't let Satan have your testimony. Don't be ashamed of the sins and pain you've walked through and come out the other side victorious. Give all glory to God, who saved you. You are His child. He wants you to tell everyone what you have learned. He wants you to use your unique story to bring others to a saving relationship with Him! There are people that only you can reach! Someone with an alcohol addiction or who has had an abortion doesn't want to listen to me...because I have NO clue what that is like to walk through and deal with! I won't even pretend to.
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10
*Please know that I am by NO means saying that anything other than mental and emotional health issues isn't a big deal. It is. And it's hard to deal with. You can have your testimony too. I just want to focus on this issue in particular because it doesn't really get a lot of recognition, and if it does, it's usually recognized improperly.
