My Bible Reading Routine

I have 4 kids that are all between the age of 3 & 6. My husband works 2 hours away. And mostly only comes home on weekends. I am dealing with anxiety and PTSD. One of my children is a guardianship case that is an extremely stressful and complicated situation and the child has several behavioral and developmental issues. 

Each one of these circumstances gives me a decent excuse for skipping out on Bible reading time. And I have used those “legitimate” excuses for years!

But I KNOW that this time is important and necessary. I won’t be fulfilled or effective if I can’t take some time out of each day to spend with my Savior! So how is it done?

First of all, don’t sweat it! It doesn’t need to involve angelic choirs or quiet closet time with a locked door and padded walls! You don’t have to read 70 million pages and know the Hebrew origin in order to “do it right”. All you need is some form of Bible and a heart that is ready.

After I feed my kids breakfast and they are off playing happily for a whole 20 minutes, I make myself a cup of bean juice (coffee) and I sit down with my YouVersion Bible app and a notebook.

I read 1 chapter from the Old Testament (start at Genesis 1). Then I read a chapter from Psalms or Proverbs begin with Psalms 1.. Then I read a chapter from the New Testament, starting in Matthew. Old Testament is so full of stories and knowledge and history. Psalms and Proverbs are inspiring and encouraging. And the New Testament is just JESUS. And full of practicality. All 3 are important and I like to glean from all of them each day. 

Anytime a verse sticks out to me, speaks to me, inspires me or teaches me. I write it down in my notebook. I find that writing it down makes it stick in my heart better. Some people need to doodle in their notebook, some need to write in neat rows, some need to use a different colored gel pen... make it YOURS! 

And that’s it guys! There’s not a lot to it! Some days, I listen to worship music while I read. Sometimes I have to get up a thousand times to break up squabbles. But God knows my heart. And it has changed from guilt when I miss my Bible reading time... to just being bummed and knowing that I can catch up with my good Friend next time. Because it isn’t about quantity in any relationship we have, it’s about quality. He desires my worship, not my performance. 

I challenge you to try this plan for 1 week. And if you need someone to keep you accountable, I would love to be that person for you! 

I just want to sleep! (Sleep Struggles)

Notes from today’s video!

Several of you voted on the poll that you’d rather read than watch a video! And you have been heard! Anytime I post a video, I will also post a written version! 

Today I talked about insomnia, intrusive thoughts, nightmares and panic attacks.

I’ve dealt with them for so many years but have really been active in the last 2-3 years on dealing with them, being on the offeoense instead of the defense.

I am a follower of Jesus so the spiritual aspect of this is that I pray. This works best for me when I’m all alone and can talk out loud. Pouring out my heart and my hurts to God. But also taking the time to sit and practice listening and soaking in the peace that only He can offer.

I have found a verse that really resonates with me for this issue in Psalm 4:8: I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone Lord make me dwell in safety. I have dissected every part of this verse to find out what it means to ME. Find a verse that does that for you. ❤️

If you google intrusive thoughts, you might shy away from me because then you would know the things that go on in my head. Not purposefully... which is why they are called intrusive thoughts. I’m very careful and mindful about what I watch and listen to, what news articles I click on..... and yet, I still have nights where I am bombarded by unimaginable terrors about my kids. The thing that has helped most with this is reminding myself that God cares more for my kids than I do. And He has trusted me to be their mom. And I am doing everything I can. But throughout history and all over the world, “everything I can” wasn’t enough. Tragedy happens because we live in a world that wasn’t meant to be this way because of sin. I have to remind myself that some things are out of my control and I can only do the best that I can and that will just have to be enough. I literally will say over and over, “God loves them more than I do” to get myself through these intrusive thoughts. Death is unavoidable.... my goal and my prayer is that my kids make it to 120 years old... but really, as long as they love Jesus and love others, I have done my job. 

Now to the physical aspects! Is your body getting what it needs?? I started taking a magnesium supplement and that made a WORLD of difference. I had also been dealing with whole-body spasms at night and the magnesium helped SO much. Go get your blood work done dude! Find an amazing chiropractor (Not a “back popper” but someone who truly cares about the whole body) and fix yo’self!

Also, yes you guessed it, oils!! Those little things are such a useful tool when you are using a brand you can trust! A few nights ago, I tossed and turned for 2 hours. I prayed and quoted scripture, and still, it was one unrelenting panic attack after another over the dumbest stuff!! Finally, 💡 I remembered to use my oils. You would have thought that would be my first thought after prayer! But no, after 2 years.... I still forget. So I opened up my oily app and looked up “insomnia”. Every oil I owned from the list of oils that support healthy sleep was slapped all over me. Within 10 minutes.... I was able to take a truly calming breath. Within 20 minutes, I was asleep. 

Our bodies are designed to heal themselves! But they can’t do that without proper support! Your eating habits, life habits, friendships, supplements, routines.... they affect you! Positive or negative. Like I tell my kids when it comes to if they are choosing kindness and obeying authority or if they are not.... I ask them “Are you taking steps to becoming a good guy or a bad guy?”

Are you taking steps towards a healthy YOU or a YOU that has nothing left to give to yourself or the people you love? 

Your body will start fixing other stuff if it can get enough sleep! So start there!

Not by chance, but by choice.

Here is a REAL picture of my life. I am a wife and a mom. And on top of that, I stay at home with my 3 little munchkins. About 95% of the time, I look like this. Yes, I'm still beautiful. But am not by any means "flawless", put together, or "on fleek". 

This is me. Sitting next to my GIANT pile of laundry in my undecorated bedroom.... with just a minute to myself before someone needs me. 

I receive compliments all the time about how well behaved my kids are and how cute of a couple Jeff and I are, how nicely decorated and clean my house is.... 

And while YES maybe those are true.... it's not by chance, nor is it without effort. A lot of effort. DAILY effort. My home isn't clean all of the time, and when it is... it's usually because there is one room with a closed door where I've put all of our crap. 😆 Our marriage isn't the perfect romantic poem.... it has taken a lot of tears and yelling and silence and hugging and talking and consistent, purposeful moments alone, and including God in ALL of it to get us where we are.... which is still FAR from perfect. 

My children are obedient and well-behaved outside of home or when we have guests over! Because my number one priority is making sure they represent Jesus first. At home, they are sometimes adorable little hellions....(let's be honest, so am I sometimes.). Because home is where it's ok to not have it all together.... Jeff and I know our kids loves us and vice versa, therefore, we know that imperfections are welcomed in our home... with love and (trying) patience and forgiveness and correction. Out in the world, people are mean and hurt and far from Jesus, so yes we put our BEST out there for others. 

My life is not by chance, it's by choice. I've chosen to follow God and accept what Jesus did for me. I've chosen to remain in Him and His will. I've chosen to LOVE Jeff, unconditionally, everyday for the rest of our lives. I choose every moment of every day to raise these kids to know their worth and value in the One who created them.

 I fail every day. But I give that to God and let Him make me better and stronger. Without Him, I am nothing. 

Another One Of Those Posts On Parenting

Let me preface this by saying, I'm not an expert. In fact, I'm a 5 year rookie! Every single day, I wobble as I learn to walk. I've never parented a 5 year old before! And when Andrew is 5, I'll have never parented a 5 year old named Andrew. So give yourself some grace.... you're new at parenting just like your kid is new at life.
So here we go, my top 5 most helpful parenting philosophies/helpful tips/thing-ys:

1. TIME
Don't sweat the big stuff.  Whether it's buying a gazillion gadgets for the nursery or planning spectacular birthday parties, cleaning every nook and cranny or stressing over what sport they should get into at 3 years old.... You don't NEED the gadgets (sure, some of them are super awesome! and even helpful). Your little kids don't really care how cool their party is... just as long as the people that they love are there and they get to shove their faces with cake. Your kid will probably only lick the floor or the toilet seat... so don't worry about the baseboards and the grout. Skip organized athletics in the early years (unless your child shows some true -and unbiased- skill in that area) and get them a swing set or trampoline with that chunk of money... chances are they won't go pro as an adult anyways. DO sweat the big acts of love and time. Give chunks of your time and energy to your children, no matter their age. Your kids won't remember that one year of gymnastics or the super cool baby monitor that cost $500... but I bet they'll remember the time that you put your phone away and played hide-N-seek at the park with them and then took them out for ice cream afterward. One of my most favorite memories with my dad is the time I spent with him..... yea, I enjoyed and appreciated the little gifts he bought me and the money he laid down for piano lessons and stuff.... but what I remember is that time we went horseback riding, hunting (in my pink floral shirt LOL), hiking/camping, when he came to my plays(and when he did them with me!) and my recitals.... My dad had flaws, and I bet he thinks I remember those most. And yea, there was a time of bitterness in my life where "it wasn't fair".... but as I've matured... the times that he lost his cool and his patience aren't at the front of my mind, the gifts he gave me aren't used or around anymore (although I do still have my tea set).... But I have all of these fun memories of the TIME he gave to me and they spark creativity in the way I parent and love my own children.

2. HUMILITY
Make it your goal to make your kid laugh every day. Like... GUT giggle. I don't always nail this one... but keeping this at the forefront of my mind has kept me from taking myself so seriously. Be a FUN parent. Dress up, sing horribly at the top of your lungs, do silly dances, tell them a joke.... really it's just about humbling yourself. Sometimes as adults we are just so serious. We have all the deadlines, and goals and pressure that we forget that when we were kids.... we didn't have that! And we therefore forget that our children are not looking to get their life in order RIGHT NOW... they just want to have fun! We get these complexes where we dominate in our leadership of them and we forget that they are humans. And not only that, but children of God, just like us! An equal, not lesser than.... so put away all your silly politics and anger towards such and such and whats-her-face.... and dance! Put on a cape or a dress! Bake sugar cookies! Sing Opera while you speak! You're really not that big of a deal to the general public... but you are the WHOLE world to those little people, to your spouse and ultimately to Jesus. Impress them, and not your co-workers or instagram followers. My mom always showed me humility. She was quick to apologize for a mistake or misunderstanding and she knew how to not take herself so seriously.... Even now, both of my parents are silly and my children love Mimi and Pots because they know they can goof off with them and be themselves. At my oldest son's 5th birthday party earlier this month, we had a Mario party and my parents put on fake mustaches and posed with my boys.

3. TOGETHERNESS
Do something as a family. It doesn't have to be huge and extravagant. Every Saturday, or Jeff's day off, we have Dance Party Saturday. We turn on music with a good beat and we act like fools in our living room. We shake our butts and jump up and down and spin in circles. And everyone is required to do it. It creates a lot of laughs, it humbles us as parents (point #2), and it promotes togetherness and unity. If you use good ol' Google... you'll find that dancing releases hormones so it works as a stress/tension relief but it also truly and scientifically creates a feeling of being bonded. You don't have to use dancing as your family thing (although I'm super partial to this method)...but pick something stress relieving to do each week. Try it each week for a month and notice the results! My family (childhood) was good at togetherness, and I'm so thankful for it because I have a wonderful relationship with my siblings and no one "gets" us quite like we do.

4. DIFFERENCES
Recognize the differences in each person in the family. Each child is vastly different. Journal what each child's differences are, their personalities. Ian is cautious and analytical. Andrew is creative and expressive. Ivy is vivacious and passionate. Once you find these things, appreciate them. Tell your child the things you like about them. Parent accordingly. Whether you are encouraging them or disciplining them... each child needs a different approach if they are going to learn and flourish.

5. CAPABILITY.
Expect more from your kids. Your kids are capable of more than you think. Give them chores, require them to apologize to siblings, friends and authority when they've made a mistake, have them think of ways to volunteer their time to help others without receiving anything in return. And ask them to do it all with (what we call) a happy heart. And model this to them. When you get up in the morning, even if your kids aren't watching, go about your day with a happy heart. Make your bed, clean your dishes, do your work, make dinner, etc... show them what responsibility looks like. Show them how to apologize. Show them how to forgive. When a friend is mean or rude to them, don't allow your child to dwell on it. Let them have their moment of sadness or hurt and then encourage them to shrug it off. Go the extra mile and have them do something kind for that friend. And do the same. Don't talk bad about Becky or Ashley or Janet and then expect your child to not do the same. Your child is capable of so much! Now, don't expect your 3 year old to load the dishwasher or anything.... but put their responsibilities at a level just a notch above what they can do easily. And don't expect them to perfect their chores the first time, or obey with a happy heart the first time. If you remain consistent, they will quickly catch on to what you expect from them.

Have anything to add or questions? I'd love some feedback!

Dirty Windows

As at look out my window to see my husband playing in the backyard with our 3 young kids, I smile at how wonderful they are, thinking of how blessed I am.

And then I see my dirty windows. Ew. How long has it been since I washed these? What IS that stuck on there?

It is SO easy to see the dirt instead of the blessings. We are so easily distracted by the yucky things going on in our life that we forget to see the good.

Satan is phenomenal at distracting us. He wants us to see the little insignificant things so that we lose focus of all of the wonderful things in our life.

How often to you see your dirty windows instead of what is really there?

Do you stare at yourself in the mirror and tear yourself down because all you can see are the flaws and things you wish you could change? Are you missing that you have a wonderful smile, a caring heart, a healthy body, a fantastic personality.....?

Have you been lookin at your spouse and only seeing the mistakes he's made? Or the mistakes you've made? Do you see how he seems to always forget to put his laundry in the hamper? Are you counting how many times he doesn't bring you flowers? Are you seeing only how she nags you to do this or that or counting how many times you don't get what you want or need sexually?

Do you see your kids and only see the messes they make and the daily struggle to get them to eat what you put in front of them? Do you only see their mess ups?

Let's ruffle some feathers.....When it comes to church, are you only seeing how loud worship is and how they don't lead worship like you wis they would? Can you just not get over how that one (or group) person treated you? As you listen to a message, are you letting your opinion of that pastor get in the way of you hearing what God is trying to say to you?

I could go on and on with scenarios. Work, friends, extended family, your house, your car, your education......

Here's the thing, YES... life has dirty windows. They ARE there. And we can't ignore them. But are they worth you not paying attention to the good stuff? Is it causing you to overlook all the love that your spouse does give you? Are you missing how amazing your church is because of that one thing that just ticks you off? Are you just trying to keep cleaning the dirty windows while you're missing your children learning and growing? Are you so focused on how fat you are or how blemished your skin is that you can't see anything else that is amazing about you?

Don't misunderstand me.... there are some very frustrating and difficult things in these different circumstances. And some of them are urgent and need to be dealt with. If you have some serious belief issues or just don't mesh with the church you attend, are being truly mistreated in your marriage, need to deal with attitudes with your kids, start working out to become healthy... those need to be taken care of! Just don't cause your dirty windows to cloud your vision so that you miss the good stuff.

Picture this: you and your super clean, perfect windows... just the two of you... forever! With your body, marriage, your kids, your relationship with God and His church...... in the dark. Unattended to. Unappreciated. Unnoticed.

 What dirty windows do you have in your life? What is on the other side of those windows that you're missing out on because your focus is off?

First Day ~ When You Don't Want to Home School.

The long awaited, slightly dreaded, first day of preschool happened. Since my son was about 2, I've been looking forward to this day with unabashed delight. He would get to spend the day with peers while learning new things and I would finally get some one on one time with my middle child, and there would be less fights I'd have to break up.

We had wanted to be making enough income by this point to send him to our church's private school. That wasn't to be. So we were hoping we'd move to a better area where a better public school would be nearby. That also didn't happen. So I began to prepare myself for what I said I'd never do: home schooling. Don't get me wrong, I think homeschooling is a good option! I myself was home schooled... but I never wanted to do it. I still don't. But I don't have another option right now, so I allowed God to change my perspective.

I really don't think we will home school in the future, since I hope that next school year we will be living in a different part of town and my husband and I still agree and believe that a smaller public school is still the plan God has for our children... but you never know and I won't say no or never to God. But He would have a lot of work to do on my heart and a lot of skills He'd have to teach me if homeschooling would be our way to go.

All of this being said, I wanted to share with you my thoughts on dealing with life when it doesn't go quite the way you hoped.

I cried... like, ugly cried, to my husband a few weeks ago because of "back to school"... and not for the normal "mommy of a pre-schooler" type of thing. I cried because everyone elses kids were about to be back in school and some form of freedom and normalcy would resume for those moms. But not for me. What made me feel worse is that I then felt like a BAD mom because I just desperately wanted my child to be away from me for a large portion of the day, everyday! Not because I don't love him or like him... because my goodness, I do. But because I was so excited for some calm. For 5 years I've had small people hanging off of my legs, boys bickering back and forth constantly, attitudes, endless requests for snacks and hearing "can I watch a movie?" a gazillion times a day. I was just so ready to have some semblance of a break from that and I was equally excited for my son to get a break from his brother and sister and to have some of the independence that he craves! So yes, I cried. I mourned for all of these things I had been dreaming of for years that were now gone. A quote from Anne Shirley comes to mind, "My life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes."... And while that is definitely a bit over dramatic, I still felt that weight. That, officially, my hopes, my needs, my wants.... really didn't matter and would never come to be.

I decided I'd better get over my hurt, and quick because I needed to set our school plans in stone and decide on a start date.

I wish I could say that our first day of school was magical. But the truth is, it wasn't. Ian really enjoyed learning, but I dealt with an attitude from him, Ivy was hanging off my leg and screaming at me the whole time and Andrew wanted to do school too and was just so excited to see (and talk) about everything. Needless to say, I was stressed and really couldn't wait to finish up the plan for the day.

And yet, I find myself looking forward to tomorrow. Why? Because I really do feel so honored that God has trusted me with these little humans. I'm so grateful that I am of sound mind to teach my children. I'm thankful that I'm confident in what I'm teaching because I had a great teacher, my mom. I'm so glad that this is not forever, one way or another.

And in the mean time, while I work through this season... I will stand on this verse, "...My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness..." 2 Cor. 12:9   I have a great opportunity to show  my children how, despite my circumstance, despite my weakness, when I give that to God... He can take that and sustain me and I can glorify Him. I will lead by example.

So no, my mind hasn't changed about homeschooling. But my heart has... because God has shown me the great opportunities that there are to teach my children about God's love and grace, no matter where my kids go to school.

Yes. Andrew has no pants on.... And Ivy thought she should go ahead and line up against the wall too, because girls and pictures just go together.

Junk Drawer

So I recently cleaned out the junk drawer. *chorus of angels* We all have that drawer or cupboard that kind of collects THINGS. It's like a trash can for things that you want to keep.... but really have no actual purpose for. As I'm finally cleaning out this drawer, I came across a key that had probably been there from the previous owners who also used this drawer as a junk drawer. The key didn't have a matching lock but it was a cute little brass key and so I decided to re-purpose it and put it on a chain... and now its a cute necklace that I've gotten a lot of compliments on!

It made me think about how I have a junk drawer in my own life. Rude things people said to me, weight loss goals that I didn't meet, self-improvement that I've put on hold, past hurts from family and friends, frustrations in my marriage and parenting.... Instead of putting these in the proper place or actually throwing them away, I put them in my inner junk drawer and hold on to them. I let them build up and build up instead of cleaning up the junk drawer.

When you work at cleaning and organizing all the stuff in your life, it will lead you to good things. A better and more healthy you. Stronger relationships. It can be frustrating and annoying to keep all of that stuff in its proper place... but its always worth it.

So start like you would with the junk drawer. One thing at a time. Find a place for it or throw it away. But don't keep it and let it pile up, because that won't help you or anyone around you. Love yourself enough to clean out your junk drawer so you can find the good stuff!