So here we go, my top 5 most helpful parenting philosophies/helpful tips/thing-ys:
1. TIME
Don't sweat the big stuff. Whether it's buying a gazillion gadgets for the nursery or planning spectacular birthday parties, cleaning every nook and cranny or stressing over what sport they should get into at 3 years old.... You don't NEED the gadgets (sure, some of them are super awesome! and even helpful). Your little kids don't really care how cool their party is... just as long as the people that they love are there and they get to shove their faces with cake. Your kid will probably only lick the floor or the toilet seat... so don't worry about the baseboards and the grout. Skip organized athletics in the early years (unless your child shows some true -and unbiased- skill in that area) and get them a swing set or trampoline with that chunk of money... chances are they won't go pro as an adult anyways. DO sweat the big acts of love and time. Give chunks of your time and energy to your children, no matter their age. Your kids won't remember that one year of gymnastics or the super cool baby monitor that cost $500... but I bet they'll remember the time that you put your phone away and played hide-N-seek at the park with them and then took them out for ice cream afterward. One of my most favorite memories with my dad is the time I spent with him..... yea, I enjoyed and appreciated the little gifts he bought me and the money he laid down for piano lessons and stuff.... but what I remember is that time we went horseback riding, hunting (in my pink floral shirt LOL), hiking/camping, when he came to my plays(and when he did them with me!) and my recitals.... My dad had flaws, and I bet he thinks I remember those most. And yea, there was a time of bitterness in my life where "it wasn't fair".... but as I've matured... the times that he lost his cool and his patience aren't at the front of my mind, the gifts he gave me aren't used or around anymore (although I do still have my tea set).... But I have all of these fun memories of the TIME he gave to me and they spark creativity in the way I parent and love my own children.
2. HUMILITY
Make it your goal to make your kid laugh every day. Like... GUT giggle. I don't always nail this one... but keeping this at the forefront of my mind has kept me from taking myself so seriously. Be a FUN parent. Dress up, sing horribly at the top of your lungs, do silly dances, tell them a joke.... really it's just about humbling yourself. Sometimes as adults we are just so serious. We have all the deadlines, and goals and pressure that we forget that when we were kids.... we didn't have that! And we therefore forget that our children are not looking to get their life in order RIGHT NOW... they just want to have fun! We get these complexes where we dominate in our leadership of them and we forget that they are humans. And not only that, but children of God, just like us! An equal, not lesser than.... so put away all your silly politics and anger towards such and such and whats-her-face.... and dance! Put on a cape or a dress! Bake sugar cookies! Sing Opera while you speak! You're really not that big of a deal to the general public... but you are the WHOLE world to those little people, to your spouse and ultimately to Jesus. Impress them, and not your co-workers or instagram followers. My mom always showed me humility. She was quick to apologize for a mistake or misunderstanding and she knew how to not take herself so seriously.... Even now, both of my parents are silly and my children love Mimi and Pots because they know they can goof off with them and be themselves. At my oldest son's 5th birthday party earlier this month, we had a Mario party and my parents put on fake mustaches and posed with my boys.
3. TOGETHERNESS
Do something as a family. It doesn't have to be huge and extravagant. Every Saturday, or Jeff's day off, we have Dance Party Saturday. We turn on music with a good beat and we act like fools in our living room. We shake our butts and jump up and down and spin in circles. And everyone is required to do it. It creates a lot of laughs, it humbles us as parents (point #2), and it promotes togetherness and unity. If you use good ol' Google... you'll find that dancing releases hormones so it works as a stress/tension relief but it also truly and scientifically creates a feeling of being bonded. You don't have to use dancing as your family thing (although I'm super partial to this method)...but pick something stress relieving to do each week. Try it each week for a month and notice the results! My family (childhood) was good at togetherness, and I'm so thankful for it because I have a wonderful relationship with my siblings and no one "gets" us quite like we do.
4. DIFFERENCES
Recognize the differences in each person in the family. Each child is vastly different. Journal what each child's differences are, their personalities. Ian is cautious and analytical. Andrew is creative and expressive. Ivy is vivacious and passionate. Once you find these things, appreciate them. Tell your child the things you like about them. Parent accordingly. Whether you are encouraging them or disciplining them... each child needs a different approach if they are going to learn and flourish.
5. CAPABILITY.
Expect more from your kids. Your kids are capable of more than you think. Give them chores, require them to apologize to siblings, friends and authority when they've made a mistake, have them think of ways to volunteer their time to help others without receiving anything in return. And ask them to do it all with (what we call) a happy heart. And model this to them. When you get up in the morning, even if your kids aren't watching, go about your day with a happy heart. Make your bed, clean your dishes, do your work, make dinner, etc... show them what responsibility looks like. Show them how to apologize. Show them how to forgive. When a friend is mean or rude to them, don't allow your child to dwell on it. Let them have their moment of sadness or hurt and then encourage them to shrug it off. Go the extra mile and have them do something kind for that friend. And do the same. Don't talk bad about Becky or Ashley or Janet and then expect your child to not do the same. Your child is capable of so much! Now, don't expect your 3 year old to load the dishwasher or anything.... but put their responsibilities at a level just a notch above what they can do easily. And don't expect them to perfect their chores the first time, or obey with a happy heart the first time. If you remain consistent, they will quickly catch on to what you expect from them.
Have anything to add or questions? I'd love some feedback!
