Another One Of Those Posts On Parenting

Let me preface this by saying, I'm not an expert. In fact, I'm a 5 year rookie! Every single day, I wobble as I learn to walk. I've never parented a 5 year old before! And when Andrew is 5, I'll have never parented a 5 year old named Andrew. So give yourself some grace.... you're new at parenting just like your kid is new at life.
So here we go, my top 5 most helpful parenting philosophies/helpful tips/thing-ys:

1. TIME
Don't sweat the big stuff.  Whether it's buying a gazillion gadgets for the nursery or planning spectacular birthday parties, cleaning every nook and cranny or stressing over what sport they should get into at 3 years old.... You don't NEED the gadgets (sure, some of them are super awesome! and even helpful). Your little kids don't really care how cool their party is... just as long as the people that they love are there and they get to shove their faces with cake. Your kid will probably only lick the floor or the toilet seat... so don't worry about the baseboards and the grout. Skip organized athletics in the early years (unless your child shows some true -and unbiased- skill in that area) and get them a swing set or trampoline with that chunk of money... chances are they won't go pro as an adult anyways. DO sweat the big acts of love and time. Give chunks of your time and energy to your children, no matter their age. Your kids won't remember that one year of gymnastics or the super cool baby monitor that cost $500... but I bet they'll remember the time that you put your phone away and played hide-N-seek at the park with them and then took them out for ice cream afterward. One of my most favorite memories with my dad is the time I spent with him..... yea, I enjoyed and appreciated the little gifts he bought me and the money he laid down for piano lessons and stuff.... but what I remember is that time we went horseback riding, hunting (in my pink floral shirt LOL), hiking/camping, when he came to my plays(and when he did them with me!) and my recitals.... My dad had flaws, and I bet he thinks I remember those most. And yea, there was a time of bitterness in my life where "it wasn't fair".... but as I've matured... the times that he lost his cool and his patience aren't at the front of my mind, the gifts he gave me aren't used or around anymore (although I do still have my tea set).... But I have all of these fun memories of the TIME he gave to me and they spark creativity in the way I parent and love my own children.

2. HUMILITY
Make it your goal to make your kid laugh every day. Like... GUT giggle. I don't always nail this one... but keeping this at the forefront of my mind has kept me from taking myself so seriously. Be a FUN parent. Dress up, sing horribly at the top of your lungs, do silly dances, tell them a joke.... really it's just about humbling yourself. Sometimes as adults we are just so serious. We have all the deadlines, and goals and pressure that we forget that when we were kids.... we didn't have that! And we therefore forget that our children are not looking to get their life in order RIGHT NOW... they just want to have fun! We get these complexes where we dominate in our leadership of them and we forget that they are humans. And not only that, but children of God, just like us! An equal, not lesser than.... so put away all your silly politics and anger towards such and such and whats-her-face.... and dance! Put on a cape or a dress! Bake sugar cookies! Sing Opera while you speak! You're really not that big of a deal to the general public... but you are the WHOLE world to those little people, to your spouse and ultimately to Jesus. Impress them, and not your co-workers or instagram followers. My mom always showed me humility. She was quick to apologize for a mistake or misunderstanding and she knew how to not take herself so seriously.... Even now, both of my parents are silly and my children love Mimi and Pots because they know they can goof off with them and be themselves. At my oldest son's 5th birthday party earlier this month, we had a Mario party and my parents put on fake mustaches and posed with my boys.

3. TOGETHERNESS
Do something as a family. It doesn't have to be huge and extravagant. Every Saturday, or Jeff's day off, we have Dance Party Saturday. We turn on music with a good beat and we act like fools in our living room. We shake our butts and jump up and down and spin in circles. And everyone is required to do it. It creates a lot of laughs, it humbles us as parents (point #2), and it promotes togetherness and unity. If you use good ol' Google... you'll find that dancing releases hormones so it works as a stress/tension relief but it also truly and scientifically creates a feeling of being bonded. You don't have to use dancing as your family thing (although I'm super partial to this method)...but pick something stress relieving to do each week. Try it each week for a month and notice the results! My family (childhood) was good at togetherness, and I'm so thankful for it because I have a wonderful relationship with my siblings and no one "gets" us quite like we do.

4. DIFFERENCES
Recognize the differences in each person in the family. Each child is vastly different. Journal what each child's differences are, their personalities. Ian is cautious and analytical. Andrew is creative and expressive. Ivy is vivacious and passionate. Once you find these things, appreciate them. Tell your child the things you like about them. Parent accordingly. Whether you are encouraging them or disciplining them... each child needs a different approach if they are going to learn and flourish.

5. CAPABILITY.
Expect more from your kids. Your kids are capable of more than you think. Give them chores, require them to apologize to siblings, friends and authority when they've made a mistake, have them think of ways to volunteer their time to help others without receiving anything in return. And ask them to do it all with (what we call) a happy heart. And model this to them. When you get up in the morning, even if your kids aren't watching, go about your day with a happy heart. Make your bed, clean your dishes, do your work, make dinner, etc... show them what responsibility looks like. Show them how to apologize. Show them how to forgive. When a friend is mean or rude to them, don't allow your child to dwell on it. Let them have their moment of sadness or hurt and then encourage them to shrug it off. Go the extra mile and have them do something kind for that friend. And do the same. Don't talk bad about Becky or Ashley or Janet and then expect your child to not do the same. Your child is capable of so much! Now, don't expect your 3 year old to load the dishwasher or anything.... but put their responsibilities at a level just a notch above what they can do easily. And don't expect them to perfect their chores the first time, or obey with a happy heart the first time. If you remain consistent, they will quickly catch on to what you expect from them.

Have anything to add or questions? I'd love some feedback!

Dirty Windows

As at look out my window to see my husband playing in the backyard with our 3 young kids, I smile at how wonderful they are, thinking of how blessed I am.

And then I see my dirty windows. Ew. How long has it been since I washed these? What IS that stuck on there?

It is SO easy to see the dirt instead of the blessings. We are so easily distracted by the yucky things going on in our life that we forget to see the good.

Satan is phenomenal at distracting us. He wants us to see the little insignificant things so that we lose focus of all of the wonderful things in our life.

How often to you see your dirty windows instead of what is really there?

Do you stare at yourself in the mirror and tear yourself down because all you can see are the flaws and things you wish you could change? Are you missing that you have a wonderful smile, a caring heart, a healthy body, a fantastic personality.....?

Have you been lookin at your spouse and only seeing the mistakes he's made? Or the mistakes you've made? Do you see how he seems to always forget to put his laundry in the hamper? Are you counting how many times he doesn't bring you flowers? Are you seeing only how she nags you to do this or that or counting how many times you don't get what you want or need sexually?

Do you see your kids and only see the messes they make and the daily struggle to get them to eat what you put in front of them? Do you only see their mess ups?

Let's ruffle some feathers.....When it comes to church, are you only seeing how loud worship is and how they don't lead worship like you wis they would? Can you just not get over how that one (or group) person treated you? As you listen to a message, are you letting your opinion of that pastor get in the way of you hearing what God is trying to say to you?

I could go on and on with scenarios. Work, friends, extended family, your house, your car, your education......

Here's the thing, YES... life has dirty windows. They ARE there. And we can't ignore them. But are they worth you not paying attention to the good stuff? Is it causing you to overlook all the love that your spouse does give you? Are you missing how amazing your church is because of that one thing that just ticks you off? Are you just trying to keep cleaning the dirty windows while you're missing your children learning and growing? Are you so focused on how fat you are or how blemished your skin is that you can't see anything else that is amazing about you?

Don't misunderstand me.... there are some very frustrating and difficult things in these different circumstances. And some of them are urgent and need to be dealt with. If you have some serious belief issues or just don't mesh with the church you attend, are being truly mistreated in your marriage, need to deal with attitudes with your kids, start working out to become healthy... those need to be taken care of! Just don't cause your dirty windows to cloud your vision so that you miss the good stuff.

Picture this: you and your super clean, perfect windows... just the two of you... forever! With your body, marriage, your kids, your relationship with God and His church...... in the dark. Unattended to. Unappreciated. Unnoticed.

 What dirty windows do you have in your life? What is on the other side of those windows that you're missing out on because your focus is off?

First Day ~ When You Don't Want to Home School.

The long awaited, slightly dreaded, first day of preschool happened. Since my son was about 2, I've been looking forward to this day with unabashed delight. He would get to spend the day with peers while learning new things and I would finally get some one on one time with my middle child, and there would be less fights I'd have to break up.

We had wanted to be making enough income by this point to send him to our church's private school. That wasn't to be. So we were hoping we'd move to a better area where a better public school would be nearby. That also didn't happen. So I began to prepare myself for what I said I'd never do: home schooling. Don't get me wrong, I think homeschooling is a good option! I myself was home schooled... but I never wanted to do it. I still don't. But I don't have another option right now, so I allowed God to change my perspective.

I really don't think we will home school in the future, since I hope that next school year we will be living in a different part of town and my husband and I still agree and believe that a smaller public school is still the plan God has for our children... but you never know and I won't say no or never to God. But He would have a lot of work to do on my heart and a lot of skills He'd have to teach me if homeschooling would be our way to go.

All of this being said, I wanted to share with you my thoughts on dealing with life when it doesn't go quite the way you hoped.

I cried... like, ugly cried, to my husband a few weeks ago because of "back to school"... and not for the normal "mommy of a pre-schooler" type of thing. I cried because everyone elses kids were about to be back in school and some form of freedom and normalcy would resume for those moms. But not for me. What made me feel worse is that I then felt like a BAD mom because I just desperately wanted my child to be away from me for a large portion of the day, everyday! Not because I don't love him or like him... because my goodness, I do. But because I was so excited for some calm. For 5 years I've had small people hanging off of my legs, boys bickering back and forth constantly, attitudes, endless requests for snacks and hearing "can I watch a movie?" a gazillion times a day. I was just so ready to have some semblance of a break from that and I was equally excited for my son to get a break from his brother and sister and to have some of the independence that he craves! So yes, I cried. I mourned for all of these things I had been dreaming of for years that were now gone. A quote from Anne Shirley comes to mind, "My life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes."... And while that is definitely a bit over dramatic, I still felt that weight. That, officially, my hopes, my needs, my wants.... really didn't matter and would never come to be.

I decided I'd better get over my hurt, and quick because I needed to set our school plans in stone and decide on a start date.

I wish I could say that our first day of school was magical. But the truth is, it wasn't. Ian really enjoyed learning, but I dealt with an attitude from him, Ivy was hanging off my leg and screaming at me the whole time and Andrew wanted to do school too and was just so excited to see (and talk) about everything. Needless to say, I was stressed and really couldn't wait to finish up the plan for the day.

And yet, I find myself looking forward to tomorrow. Why? Because I really do feel so honored that God has trusted me with these little humans. I'm so grateful that I am of sound mind to teach my children. I'm thankful that I'm confident in what I'm teaching because I had a great teacher, my mom. I'm so glad that this is not forever, one way or another.

And in the mean time, while I work through this season... I will stand on this verse, "...My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness..." 2 Cor. 12:9   I have a great opportunity to show  my children how, despite my circumstance, despite my weakness, when I give that to God... He can take that and sustain me and I can glorify Him. I will lead by example.

So no, my mind hasn't changed about homeschooling. But my heart has... because God has shown me the great opportunities that there are to teach my children about God's love and grace, no matter where my kids go to school.

Yes. Andrew has no pants on.... And Ivy thought she should go ahead and line up against the wall too, because girls and pictures just go together.

Junk Drawer

So I recently cleaned out the junk drawer. *chorus of angels* We all have that drawer or cupboard that kind of collects THINGS. It's like a trash can for things that you want to keep.... but really have no actual purpose for. As I'm finally cleaning out this drawer, I came across a key that had probably been there from the previous owners who also used this drawer as a junk drawer. The key didn't have a matching lock but it was a cute little brass key and so I decided to re-purpose it and put it on a chain... and now its a cute necklace that I've gotten a lot of compliments on!

It made me think about how I have a junk drawer in my own life. Rude things people said to me, weight loss goals that I didn't meet, self-improvement that I've put on hold, past hurts from family and friends, frustrations in my marriage and parenting.... Instead of putting these in the proper place or actually throwing them away, I put them in my inner junk drawer and hold on to them. I let them build up and build up instead of cleaning up the junk drawer.

When you work at cleaning and organizing all the stuff in your life, it will lead you to good things. A better and more healthy you. Stronger relationships. It can be frustrating and annoying to keep all of that stuff in its proper place... but its always worth it.

So start like you would with the junk drawer. One thing at a time. Find a place for it or throw it away. But don't keep it and let it pile up, because that won't help you or anyone around you. Love yourself enough to clean out your junk drawer so you can find the good stuff!

Happy Breastfeeding Week! Our Story.

Last week, my precious baby girl turned one! I can hardly believe it! Although she is my 3rd child, she is the first one I breastfed. I was so nervous about this journey because I had never been around it. It wasn't familiar to me.

But through the encouragement of friends and finding a really great breastfeeding class, along with a supportive husband.... I felt prepared.

I set a goal of 1 year. And I reached my goal and then some! Now, it wasn't all perfect and beautiful and it was far from easy, similar to motherhood. 

Here's my breastfeeding story.

With my first two children, I chose not to nurse. I had never been around breastfeeding and felt scared to even try. There were many other reasons why I chose not to, but I see now that the underlying reason was fear.

Within the first hour of having my sweet girl, I was able to try nursing her. I had no idea how to hold her or help her and her mouth was just so tiny. We didn't figure it out that first time... Or the next. About the 3rd time, some of the nurses helped me figure out a better hold and she was able to latch on. She couldn't keep her hold for long but I was just glad she got something in her itty bitty belly. 

After we got home and my milk came in (ouch!) we continued working on a better latch. She just wasn't getting it though and I was so full of milk (which is painful and uncomfortable to say the least) and I didn't have a pump so there was no relief. 

When a baby doesn't latch properly, that causes pain for the mother... So for 2 months Ivy and I worked through pain, tears, and frustration.... She was struggling to gain weight and I was feeling like a failure. We looked into lip or tongue tie issues but never got a firm answer on that issue and really didn't have the money to get that taken care of if it were an issue. 

I prayed a lot through those 2 months. My baby was hungry, I was in a pain... And I really didn't want to give up. 1 month in, my supply tanked due to her not being able to get enough to eat. My body took it as a sign that she wasn't eating that much so it didn't make as much. We struggled with supply issues the whole 12 months. I took supplements to help get my supply up. I pumped and pumped and pumped. When we nursed I had to squeeze and pinch and bend at awkward angles just to help her get anything. It just wasn't happening. I finally bought some supplemental formula since she was coming up on 2 months old and had barely gotten half a pound above her birth weight. 

By November... I was ready to give up. But I kept hearing, "1 year. 1 year." So I pushed through. At 4 months old, during one particularly difficult nursing session, I was crying and talking to God, "Why? Why can't I get this? This is my last baby,  please! I want to succeed."  And a thought game to my mind... "Hold her differently. Change your nursing position."

I had been laying her basically on her back and having her turn her head to me instead of having her on her side with her neck not needing to be turned. And low and behold, she latched on properly right away when I switched!

My first thought was to feel stupid. Why hadn't I thought of this before!? And then I felt God comforting me, telling me not to beat myself up. I didn't know what I was doing, I had been persevering through pain and frustration... And now I had figured it out and I should be full of joy, not condemnation of myself.

Ivy started growing better, more steadily. And I was finally able to start enjoying nursing!

It took us 2 months to get the hang of our new nursing position but from 6 months to 12 months (July 26th) it was a breeze! 

Well, mostly. I was feeling antsy to have my body back and she was throwing a fit every time I took her boob away from her! 

Over the last 6 months, the amount of times she nurses each day has dwindled down and she now only nurses before bed. 

Within the last year, I have bonded with my sweet girl, giggled at her silly antics (nursing babies are hilarious!), learned about perseverance, marveled out how amazing God made the female body, fallen asleep in a rocking chair multiple times, gone back and forth in bra sizes, gotten quite proficient in nursing in public, and read more nursing blogs than was necessary.

Some things that helped me:

-Surprisingly Walmart carries my favorite nursing bra. And you definitely want one you really like. It will make a big difference. So spend the money!

-If your baby acts fussy after nursing, it could be something you ate! For a while, I had to avoid tomato sauce and chocolate. It really bothered Ivy for the first few months. Once she grew a bit though, I reintroduced them back into my diet and she did fine with them.

- Don't be afraid to ask a friend who has experience to help you or offer advice. It's not as awkward as you think.

-Remember that even if you don't make it to your goal, you're not a failure. Even if you can't nurse at all, you're not a failure. If your baby is fed and loved... That's what matters. 

-Trust yourself. Encourage yourself. Give yourself grace and patience.

-Give it to God. God loves your little one more than you can possibly imagine! Pray through your nursing experience! God gave me so much insight and wisdom when I asked, and even when I didn't. I could not have made it through this last year, could not have met my goal... If I wouldn't have involved God.

In short, nursing is hard work, but wonderful. But it's not what defines how good of a mother you are.

 The one and only nursing photo I will ever share. Because I personally think that nursing is a beautiful relationship that doesn't need to be constantly broadcast on social media...  

Happy Breastfeeding Week! 

The Measure You Use

Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. (Luke 6:38)


I grew up in church hearing this verse. It's a Christian favorite. Give and it will be given to you. Sounds pretty awesome!

This verse has been said to me over and over and I've quoted it myself. I've used it when I have given my time, money, or resources to help others; quoting it... thinking about how I would be given back for giving. Now, that's not WHY I give, but it's a definite perk and I have seen this "promise" fulfilled over and over again!

But today, as I was reading my Bible... I came across the verse before it (37), which is also familiar to me and ANOTHER favorite in the Christian world: Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven.

"Cool, Megan. Where are you going with this?" Hang with me here.

So, I'm reading these verses together and I realize. "I have been looking at Luke 6:38 from only one point of view!"

I've been looking at it as a promise for good things returned to me... and the Holy Spirit showed me that it works the other way too. The verse in no way says "Give good things and it will be given back to you..." ...it just says GIVE.

So if you GIVE anger, impatience, stinginess, selfishness, bitterness or deception... will it not be returned to you? A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over...poured back on you into your lap?

I don't know about you..... but a good measure of selfishness (or any of the things I've listed) that's been packed down and is flowing over my "cup"... set back into my lap... just doesn't sound wonderful.

If you give judgement or condemnation, will they not be returned to you when you make a mistake? With the measure that you used?

Whatever you give, good or bad... will be given back to you. So choose carefully what you give.

What are you giving to your spouse, to your kids, or to your friends? Are you frustrated with any of these relationships? If so, I encourage you to do a hard examination of what you are giving to them.

Ask God to open your eyes to see the things that you need to see and to give you the strength to start giving good things to the people that you have influence with in your life.

LOVE

I wish people saw each other like Jesus sees them. God created humans with many different races, backgrounds, and personalities! It's part of what makes humans beautiful! We are each unique and created in His image. ALL of us. If each one of us could grasp just a glimpse of how wide, how deep and how vast the Father's love is for His creation..... The world would change dramatically. Why do we have to be violent towards each other with our words and our actions? What are we trying to prove?

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:8

Therefore, God's very character is this:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Cor. 13:4-7

What if we were to strive to BE LOVE? We can't achieve perfection, but we can do better than we are doing now...