Coming Out of the Stay-at-Home Mom Closet

Motherhood.

How do you define it?

I grew up believing that the "correct" definition of motherhood (as in the perfect and godly way) is: A young, newly married woman who produces mass amounts of children until she goes through menopause and stays at home (or on the go) with all of her children, even when they are grown and out of the house and holds no paying job outside of the home, part time or full time. I kid you not. This was my honest (and ignorant) belief. A combination of churches I grew up in, my parents' teaching, my own insecurities...whatever it was, I have been tied down to this belief and it has put unnecessary pressure on me.

When I was 20, I got married (and did nothing in between high school and marriage because I figured, "what's the point in spending money on college or searching for a really awesome job if I'm just going to stay at home with my kids.") and 9 months later (while I had a really great job) I found out I was pregnant. Surprise! "But yay! I'm being godly and doing what all women are called to do! God must be pleased with me because I'm married already and at 20 years old I'm already pregnant! Yup, I'm in His will!"  Boy, was I wrong. In all honesty....although I was excited, a deep part of me felt as if my life was ending.

Before you freak out, please know that I am deeply in love with my husband and married him for the right reasons and we love our boys so very very much and I love being their mommy.

But you should also know that I hate...no, loathe.... staying at home. I have been in a constant battle with myself. I love being around people and being busy at work. THAT is (part of) who God made me to be. But isn't the godly thing to stay at home forever with my children? For some, that is who God made them to be! That is what they are supposed to do. My mom has stayed at home and home schooled us for the past 29 years and she's still going! She loves it! We always had a clean home, a nurse and chauffer on hand, cookies and 3 meals. She uses all of her talents on a daily basis and she does so (most of the time) with a smile and a hug. She spreads it out to the other kids who enter her home (and to the dogs too) and is "mom" to many.

 I thought I had to be that. But I am not my mom.

I kind of hate cooking 3 rounded meals a day for all of us. I don't want to be the academic educator of my children. I want to supervise the people in my children's life and partner with people who my husband and I trust.

I am Megan. A woman who loves singing and dancing and playing music. A woman who loves art and interior design. A woman who finds great satisfaction in being busy at a task. Organizing, cleaning, talking, listening, achieving goals with a team. Getting out of my house every day. Talking to different people. Having to dress up in more than sweat pants, a t-shirt and brushing my teeth. Being a stay at home mom doesn't fit me. And I have had to realize that that doesn't make me a sinner. It means that I'm me. and God has callings and jobs for everyone. Mine is not what I thought it had to be.

I have been imprisoned by this way of thinking, that one size fits all.

My children are my responsibility, and aside from God and Jeff, they are my top priority. Which means I will spend my life praying for them, making sure they are taken care of but not necessarily by me personally, I will always seek the best options for them when they are young, and offer my wisdom as they grow. I will make sure that our home runs smoothly, even when I'm not at home. I will love them unconditionally and show them God's Truth.

I am only recently learning that it's ok to be a mom AND work outside of the home. It's a process, and has been a very sad and long and hard journey for me. But I'm so thankful that I have allowed God to show me His Truth at such a young age. That I can change now with very few regrets. That I am not harming my children by choosing what is best for our family. My children want a whole momma. My husband wants a whole wife. I want to be whole in mind, body and spirit... and staying at home is crushing me. The best thing for our family ISN'T for me to stay at home. More people need me than just Jeff, Ian and Andrew. And as I am now, doing what I was NOT called to do,..... I cannot fully do what God has called me to do. My kids have benefited from me staying at home with them. But God comes first. And He is calling me out of my house. Out of what I was taught. Out of what I knew. Out of my comfort zone.

It won't be an easy transition for any of us. My kids will have to get used to mommy not being there 24/7. And they will. But they will also know that I will be there in a heart beat if its something only mommy can take care of. My home may be messier than usual, but it's ok. I may have a hard time waking up at a certain time each day. It may be difficult for Jeff to see me more independent from him, but I know he will be proud of me. There will be so many things, unforeseen, that we will have to get used to. But I'm no longer content hiding behind imprisonment and condemnation for being different than who I thought I was supposed to be.

I am not a stay at home mom.

And that is ok...

Super Cookies (recipe)

Protein Cookies (THM crossover)

DRY-
1 cup Old fashioned Oats (ground to a powder in the blender)
1/2 cup Whole Wheat Flour (if you are Gluten intolerant, replace with an extra half cup of ground oats)
Dash of cinnamon
1/2 tsp. Baking Powder
2 tsp. Stevia Extract powder
1 scoop of chocolate protein powder (I use Genesis Pure Health Trim)

I blend all the dry ingredients together in my Ninja blender and then add it to the bowl of wet ingredients.

WET-
1 egg
2 tsp. natural honey
1/4 cup applesauce
1/4 0% plain Greek yogurt
1 TBS.  Coconut Oil
1 tsp. Vanilla extract

Add unsweetened Almond Milk until you get a good dough texture.

Spoon onto parchment papered cookie sheet.
Bake at 350* for about 10 minutes.

  For those of you on the Trim Healthy Mama lifestyle....this is a CROSSOVER. So this is ideal for those who need to gain weight but this is really geared towards kids!
   Its a yummy cookie that they will not know is packed with protein, healthy carbs and good fats! My kids devoured these and my incredibly picky 2 year old ate 6 of these. He thinks he's getting cookies for breakfast. I know he's getting WAY more in 1 cookie than most kids get in their diet for a whole day!
  These are super easy to make and are really great for tweaking to make them how your kids like them... you can add peanut butter, chocolate chips, raisins, dried cranberries, Flaxseed, Chia seeds, Blueberries, nuts.... get creative! Crumble them over ice cream, take them to-go, eat them for breakfast, as a side for lunch or for dessert after dinner! I hope your kids love these as much as my boys do!

YUM!

To cover or not to cover...what is the question?

  The subject of modesty has been a well discussed topic throughout my life, and my husband and I have often discussed what we expect of each other and from our children on this issue.
   Here are a few thoughts I have on this controversial, but important topic:

   First of all, I want to make it clear that I am not here to tell you what you can or cannot wear... because I am not God. But I would like to make you aware of some things and hopefully get you thinking...
   Your body represents God and yourself. What you put on it (or don't) is a representation and reflection of that. Choose wisely how you want to be seen.

   Ladies, you were created to be the most beautiful creature on earth! Listen to me very closely, it is perfectly wonderful for you to BE just that. But please don't waste your beauty, God's creativity and exquisite masterpiece, by hiding it with frumpy clothes or with revealing clothes. You don't have to be a fashionista or wear something that isn't "you" to get attention or hide from attention. You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14) by the same God who designs each sunrise and sunset, Who created the majestic mountain tops and the flowing rivers. The same God who made the regal and fierce tiger and the glorious and breathtaking horse. And yet, YOU are the one meant to be the most beautiful and captivating. And, just to make it clear, we are actually talking about your outward beauty here. To hide your beauty, whether that means you cover up in potato sacks and wear your hair in a tight bun and refuse make up OR you wear something skin tight that cuts too low and rides up to high...both of these examples are a sad waste of your beauty! Yes example #1 was more modest, but she is still hiding herself. And example #2 is selling her body for attention and is also hiding her true self.

     Modesty is a difficult thing to draw a fine line on. It isn't as black and white as your momma makes it out to be. According to certain sects of the Islamic faith, an Amish woman is immodest! According to the Amish community, skirt/turtleneck women are immodest! According to skirt/turtleneck women.. my jeans and t-shirt are immodest! You get the idea. So saying ONE idea of modesty fits all is just false! 100 years ago, modesty in America was COMPLETELY different than it is now. A lot of this is due to sexualizing and objectifying women and women thinking they've got to sell out in order to reach their dreams and get a man. Culture defines a lot of our view of modesty. There are tribes where the women (and men) wear next to nothing... and its not a big deal to them because they haven't turned women's bodies into THINGS. I'm not saying that we should all be wearing loin clothes and beads over our boobs... I'm just making the point that culture and religion play a big part in whether something is modest or not. So before you go off and point fingers at the 18 year old wearing a skimpy bikini...please take note that she was most likely raised different than you and maybe you should take the initiative to be her "big sister".

    A matter of the heart. That's really all this topic is. 1 Peter 3:3-4 "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." This verse....Oh, how many times I've been slapped over the head with it. For a long time, I thought it meant "you can't be pretty. it's wrong to be attractive." But I always had the thought "then WHY did God make women beautiful? Is it a curse?" Then I read the book Captivating and some things began to click. My beauty is a gift. A gift to me. A gift to my husband. and even a gift to the world. Admit it, we all like to see that picture perfect model in that super cute dress! Not in a creepy or sexual way, but a beautiful woman..is a beautiful woman. So then, what is this verse saying? It is not saying "make sure to try and hide your outward beauty!"...God is saying "your body isn't a thing. Use it to represent who you REALLY are. Not to get what you want or to hide." 
    25 year old Kate, in the summertime, usually dresses in tight fitting shorts that are basically jean underwear while wearing a flowy, sheer, cropped top. Guys and girls look at her and think "she probably likes to party, drink, and have sex." That may or may not be true... but it is the impression that she is giving off... that she is care free and looking for someone, anyone...to "love" her. Now, Kate has a job interview.... She is probably going to wear clothes that represent her, and not what she wants, to her interview. A nice pair of black dress pants with a cute and fitting blue top. This isn't how she normally dresses.... this isn't who she "is", right? The thing is... when going in for a job interview or something similar, we want them to see what our skills are and what our personality is...not how hot our body is and what size our boobs are (unless you're just gross and have no morals.)
    What I'm getting at here is that you should be dressing as how you want to be known, not as how you want to be seen! And keep in mind that you wear your attitude. I have seen 2 girls in the exact same outfit. Outfits that covered everything and didn't draw the eye. But one girl was modest and the other was immodest. How? Immodest was giving sexual body language...eve in the way she was speaking and the words that came out of her mouth said "I'm easy." Similarly, I have seen two girls wearing the same bikini.... but I didn't notice one's body but the other was making it blatantly obvious that she needed attention. Do you see what I'm getting at? For the most part, it's not about the clothes! It's what you do with them!
 
       Now let's talk a bit about guys and modesty. Frankly, I don't think the issue of modesty is addressed NEARLY enough with men. And not "don't look at girls the wrong way." I mean about them personally and what they are wearing! A guy wearing a good fitting pair of skinny jeans, in my opinion, looks good! But if they are so tight that I can see "the bulge".... that is too tight and is JUST that same as a woman wearing crotch shorts. As it is for girls is the same for guys, how you dress is a direct representation of yourself and God.
  
 The subject of the swimsuit. Men take their shirts off in swimming pools and that is generally accepted as OK and I don't really have a problem with it.... but then girls aren't allowed to wear a modest 2 piece at a pool (I do want to note that I am not a fan of skimpy bikinis but that's my personal preference)? I feel like this is an example of how we, even women, sexualize women! Now, if you want to wear a one piece or cover ups, that is just fine, I am not saying it's not... but I feel that saying a woman can't show a little extra skin at the pool but guys can (even though they wouldn't walk around town without a shirt on) is just, again, making it all about a woman's body!

    We put SO much focus on the body of a woman. What if instead of constantly telling our teenage daughter "guys are only looking at your boobs. guys only want one thing. yada yada yada.." we TEACH our young ladies about how to dress to represent their beautiful personalities!  I would not have worn half the stuff I did after I graduated high school if I would've known HOW to dress myself instead of how NOT to dress myself. If I would've realized my beauty and not my faults. I had a season where I wore things I wouldn't want my teenage daughter to wear. But I can honestly say...I had NO idea what to wear. I wanted to be pretty. I didn't WANT to show off my body and get attention from guys. I just wanted to be beautiful and the world was telling me "wear a bikini... that makes you beautiful! wear these really short shorts...you will be beautiful! get skinny, then you'll be beautiful!" LIES. If you don't tell your daughter the Truth and allow her and SHOW her how to be beautiful, she will try to find it herself and her young and impressionable self will naturally go look for it in the world and the world will lie.

    When I was around 15 years old, I asked my mom "Is it ok to be pretty?" My mom's answer was "No! it's not ok to be pretty." Now let me clear something up real quick, my mother is amazing. I love her to pieces. And a few years after this conversation occurred, I asked her why she answered that way and she was shocked that she had said that. I had asked her at a random passing moment and she had probably thought I was asking about something else. I was a child, of course I misunderstood. Nevertheless, that is what I heard: "it is wrong to be pretty." My heart had always been to obey and honor God and my parents. I never ever ever in a million years wanted to be a disappointment to them. SO...I started wearing my brothers clothes, didn't wear make up, and dressed like a slob. This had gone on a week when my mother came to me and said "What on earth are you doing? You are dressing sloppy and when was the last time you showered?!" Clearly I had misunderstood her, but oh my gosh I was so confused. So I showered and wore clothes that fit and were mine. But they were still plain and boring and I still didn't wear make up or do more than brush my hair and pull it up in a pony. My rule of thumb was "Be clean but blend in." This lasted until about 17. Then I incorporated make up and maybe wearing my hair down sometimes and trying to match my clothes better. At 18, I got really upset at my mom and dad. I was tired of trying to "make them happy" while I was miserable so I said "screw this! I'll dress how I want!" And I did. I got married and still dressed that way. Seeking attention, quite honestly, because I thought I was undesirable. No guy had ever asked me out. And I thought the only reason my husband had was because I was finally showing some skin. Jeff saw through all my hurt and confusion. He had seen me through all of my awkward phases. We met when I was 11 and got married when I was 20. He saw the darkest side of me. And loved me anyways because he was the only person who knew my true heart. That I desperately wanted to love God and love people. My clothes didn't say that. Not when I was trying not to be pretty and not when I was showing off my body. But he knew. And through his love and taking me to (THE BEST) church where I knew God in a way that had never been shown to me, I healed and am healing from the hurt of feeling unlovely and undesired. From the need for attention by whatever means possible. I no longer need to show off my body OR hide it. I am who I am and I don't have to think about if something is modest or not because now I naturally choose clothing that honors God and my husband AND myself.. clothing that represents me: a mommy, a wife, creative, and someone who desperately wants to show God's love to the hurting people of this world. I don't always get it right, but that is OK.

   My husband grew up with very little hygiene and no fashion sense. He really just didn't care that his shirts had holes. He started caring when we were dating but a ratty pair of jeans and a shirt without holes was his version of dressing up. My husband deployed to Afghanistan last year (2013). While there, he realized several things and began praying a seeking God and really started becoming that man God designed him to be. He became passionate about hurting people. He got excited to go into ministry and get really involved at our church. When he came home... he decided he wanted to be better dressed. So we bought him nice jeans that fit. We bought him really nice shirts and shoes. We found a haircut with a style he liked. And he started working a lot on his personality and how he talked with people. He wanted to represent God and the man God had wanted him to be. Because of this change of heart, it created an outward change of appearance. I have watched him become an incredibly bold and gentle man who pays more attention to the needs of the people around him. I have seen him grow spiritually and in maturity. People have begun to comment on his skills and personality, rather than his clothing.

    It matters what you wear and what you look like. Have you been hiding? Have you been flaunting? We are all different. We all have different views and opinions on modesty. But let's not judge others for what they wear. What if instead of pointing fingers and gossiping about how short her skirt is...what if we love the person and show them their true self, how God sees them. This goes with any issue really! We are all raised differently, we all have different journeys. We are called to LOVE. Not to judge. Because of God's amazing grace and love that He has for me... I can love the alcoholic. The unmarried people living together. The girl who starves herself. The homosexual. The person with anger problems. WHATEVER problem someone has, because I have problems too.... I am called to love.... not to judge. So think about that before you judge someone because of a simple matter of what they're wearing.

     You are a wondrous creation. Made in the image of God. You have worth. You are beautiful.

 

                                              She is clothed with strength and dignity;
                                                   she can laugh at the days to come.
                                                                  She speaks with wisdom,
                                                   and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
                                                                Proverbs 31:25 & 26

Fooled Ya Pizza - low carb and incredibly DELICIOUS.

This is a Trim Healthy Mama recipe and OH MY GOODNESS it is the best pizza we've ever had and my husband agrees. My picky toddler even ate it! No one suspected a thing........

CRUST:
1. Lightly steam 1 (16oz) bag of frozen cauliflower (I just boiled mine because I don't have a steamer)

2. Put lightly steamed cauli. in a colander and press out as much water as possible (I actually grabbed handfuls and squeezed the water and put into a separate bowl). The less water there is, the crispier it will be.

3. Transfer cauli. to a food processor and pulse a few times, NOT too much. You want rice sized pieces.... I don't have a food processor so I just chopped it up in fine little pieces.

4. Add 3/4 cup of egg whites and 2 cups of grated part skim mozzarella cheese (I used Colby jack), pinch of sea salt, dash or two of Italian seasoning, and a little bit of onion and garlic powder. Stir it all together!

5. Line a large cookie sheet with parchment paper and grease the paper.

6. Plop the mixture onto the middle of the tray and start spreading outwards. The thinner you can spread it, the crispier the crust.

7. Bake at 450* for 20 minutes.

8. Let the crust cool for several minutes before you put the toppings on it.

9. Top is with pizza sauce or Alfredo sauce, cheese, peppers, meats, whatever you want!!

10. Put it in the oven and BROIL it until done to satisfaction (probably only 5 minutes)!

ENJOY!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

Breakfast Spice Cake (E)

    This is my third month eating a new way. The Trim Healthy Mama way! ( trimhealthymama.com ) It has allowed me a freedom with food and I have lost almost 30 pounds this way! My husband and kiddos are able to eat the food (with a few tweaks since they need to gain and not lose weight) and are enjoying it as well! This is really for the whole family and that's what I love about this 'diet'. If you have questions and would like to look into it more, I'd love to help you how I can! 

  

    Now here is a recipe that has carbohydrates but not much fat and a good amount of protein, making it an E (energizing) meal! (the opposite is an S (satisfying) meal which is higher in fats and low in carbs with a good amount of protein)

    I thoroughly enjoy making up my own recipes and I'm always changing and tweaking recipes I find on Pinterest or Facebook. 

    Breakfast Spice Cake

   1 Cup of Old Fashioned Oats (blended into a powder)

   3 Tbs. ground cinnamon

   Dash of Ginger

   1/2 tsp. of baking powder

   2 Tbs. of Stevia extract powder

   Blend all of this together well in your blender.

  

   Add to blender:

   1/2 cup of liquid egg whites

   3/4 cup of low fat cottage cheese

   1/3 cup of applesauce (make sure it's natural and has no added sugars)

   Pour the mixture into a greased 8x8 pan and place in the oven at 350 degrees for 15 minutes and then check it (it may need to stay in for a few extra minutes depending on your oven.)

   Frosting:

   1/8 cup of  0% Plain Greek Yogurt (I use Chobani brand)

   1 1/2 tsp. of ground cinnamon

   1 tsp. - 1 1/2 tsp. of Stevia extract powder

   Once cake is finished and out of the oven, cut into squares and place on plates and then with a spoon put a thin layer of your 'frosting' on each individual piece. I drizzled honey onto my husband and kids' to make it just a bit more sweet, but if you're trying to lose weight, I'd stay away from the honey.

    This does dry out fast so don't leave he leftovers(if there are any!) sitting out in the pan for long!

   

ENJOY!!!!

   

   

Scene 1: Morning Onslaught.

   Upon awakening, she immediately hears the cries of outrage coming from the creature who wishes to be released from his prison. It is her daily duty to guard and care for him as he roams freely about the home. She lets him out and heads for the scullery to prepare his meal. Trying to remain pleasant, as he throws a tantrum and begins clawing at her legs, she kindly allows him a small snack... mostly to buy herself time. He has calmed down, for the moment.
   She goes about her task and then, from elsewhere in the castle, she hears that someone is screaming for her. It is the other, older creature. It wakes up out of sorts and unhappy with life, as is usual for him upon awakening.
   Now she is trying to finish preparing the morning meal for two very unhappy little creatures, who are now trying to trip her. Her temper is quickly rising. And she prays (mutters) for strength from God Almighty.
    Finally, the meal is ready and it is time to feed them. They are happy for the moment, and slightly impatient, as the excitedly await the reveal of the tasty treat she has prepared for them. It is placed in front of them. The younger of the two devours his food as if he breathed it in. The older creature? He has decided that his meal isn't fit. It doesn't please his palate. And suddenly, it has been strewn across the floor.
  The youngest has begun painting with his food and drink. The oldest is yelling about how he doesn't want to eat and now, a word fighting-match is going on between him and her. Battle of the wills. Things escalate.
   "JUST! STOP!" She screams. She has turned into a monster. Trying to keep control of the situation and keep it peaceful and civil has gone out the window and now she is in survival mode. She snatches their plates from in front of them and chucks them in the sink. She feels as if the walls are closing in as the little creatures continue to scream and yell and cry... AT her. Nothing she does makes them happy. And she never gets a thank you.
    She washes off their mess and releases them from the dining table. Now they are happy because they can play with the master of the house. He is fun. They tackle him with adoration and the creatures begin to giggle. She watches. And feels left out. Needed but not wanted. Necessary but not adored. She is jealous, but must accept that this is her "role"... the "bad guy".
     She tidies up the mess from the breakfast event. She has calmed down and has returned to her human form.
      Once that task is finished, it is time to dress the beastly creatures. This too, of course, is a nasty battle. Clothes are on, and she smiles. She has had small victory.
    But then! But then, the creatures turn on each other. Hitting and Shoving. Probably some biting. And of course, yelling. It quickly gets out of hand and one of them is hurt. She tries to figure out the cause of the mini war, but only one of the creatures can communicate properly. So naturally his story is biased, towards himself being the victim of a cruel, and "unnecessary" attack from the little one. Who knows for sure if this story he has concocted is true?
     She has reached a point where either she will turn into a monster again or will put up her flag of defeat. But she really cannot do either. To become the monster again means she will feel more self loathing and guilt and to admit defeat means she isn't doing the job she was given.
    So what does she do? She puts them back in their prisons (trying to tune out their cries of protest) so they will hopefully sleep for a few extra hours. She simply does not have it in her for even one more battle.

    If you're a mom, this might sound like your morning. This IS is my morning. This morning, in fact: May 24, 2014. Obviously, I've changed this into a more fantastical and horrific sounding experience. But there is still truth. My children were out of hand, grumpy, and angry this morning. Demanding every ounce of my energy that I could muster. And it's true that I did turn into something I loathe.... a screaming and angry "monster" who mutters under her breath and angrily tosses dishes and food in the sink. It is also true that the boys prefer their daddy (Note: Jeff backs me up, helps me, and disciplines the boys too. We are a team.). Because they do not see him all day, he is seen (in my boys little minds) as mommy's minion. Not the one making them do the things they don't want to do, just the messenger.
     I am not perfect. By any means. Obviously. Especially in the mornings. I'm grumpy. Especially when I'm also sick. But this isn't an excuse. Or, at least.... it shouldn't be. But I use it. It is a daily struggle and learning process of mine. To never settle for the bad issues (the sin) that I have in my life. But to constantly strive to be a better version of myself. Not perfect, because I'm not Jesus, but better than I was yesterday. And thankfully, God has promises in His word that He will never leave us or forsake us and that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. This leaves no room for excuses, only improvements.
   So today, in your humanness... be encouraged. You can be better. You can change. It's OK that you've stumbled.
    Pick yourself up and try again.
   

Speaking to Myself...

   The beginning of May has proven, in my life, to be an extremely "life changing" time for me for the last 6 years. Graduation in 2008. Started dating, for the first time ever and to the man I would marry, in 2009. Married on May 8th 2010. The following year was probably the least crazy in the last 6 years but still, we were preparing for baby #1, and that is pretty life changing. 2012, we had a 7 month old and became pregnant with our 2nd (surprise!) child and aside from that, we decided to prepare our house for renting it out and were packing to move in with friends (We'll never be able to show you just how much we appreciated that Jennifer and Adam). In May of last year, we had a 3 month old, moved from a crappy apartment to a nice 1 bedroom in 1 1/2 weeks notice, and during all of this, we were preparing for Jeff's impending deployment.

   This year brings it's own changes: I have 2 toddlers (phew! Exhausting, but so wonderful.), Jeff is home from deployment and we are STILL, after him having been home for 3 months, trying to figure out how to function as a family/as a couple... and lastly, we are moving...again! (6 times in 2 years? It's like we're an active duty military family or something.) The process for closing on this house has been stressful, to say the least, and is really affecting the sanity of the 4 of us. 

   In all of these 6 years, there were moments or days of pure joy, laughter, beauty, hope, and peace. But quite honestly, and my husband will agree, the last 6 years of our life have been severe growing years. Rough on our finances, our marriage, our Faith, our children, our jobs.... It has been a constant and seemingly never ending harassment, one after the other. And frankly, I'm beat up, worn down and just DONE.

    My question to myself has been, "does it ever end?" I'd guess that you've asked yourself this during the difficult seasons of your own life. 

   The amazing thing about life, and we see it in everything God created, the seasons especially, is that it is always changing. Some of these changes are sweet and beautiful and nourishing, like Spring. Like getting married or having kids and the beautiful moments that come with those.

   The difficulties and tough changes we experience grow us, change us, and test our faith and beliefs so that we can have that beautiful season and have it to it's fullest. 

    This is no new concept to you, I'm sure, it's a well known truth about life.
    So how do we get through these "dark" times? With patience, an open mind to allow yourself to learn from the experiences, and a positive attitude. And for me, through prayer and studying the Bible and the Truths God put in there and also through seeking the wisdom and advice of someone you trust who has gone through it before.
   I dare you to try these things through your own frustrating season and just see what will happen. Allow yourself to learn and change. Try not to grumble about all the things going wrong or that went wrong. Pick yourself up and try a new tactic with a positive attitude.

    I am almost sure that this next season of my life (once this move is over) will be a more quiet and peaceful one in which I can enjoy the things I've learned and appreciate the beauty that seemed unavailable before. I can recharge before we get to another season of growing pains and learning.

     I hope you feel encouraged with the words I have written to you and that you have renewed hope that your springtime is coming and that you can learn to allow this tough season to change you and cultivate you into a more beautiful and successful person than before.

    6 So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. 7 These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.   1 Peter 1:6-7 (NLT)

Cookie Monster approved...

   I present to you 2 different cookie recipes, my 2 favorites. One is healthy, one is not. But both are approved by my picky toddlers (but the last one is actually OK for them to eat for breakfast.)!

   THE best Monster Cookies:  

   From: Mrs. Schwartz's Kitchen -found on Pinterest

 -1/2 cup (or 1 stick) of butter (room temp.)

 -1/2 cup brown sugar

 -1/4 cup white sugar

 -3/4 cup creamy peanut butter

 -1 egg

 -1 tsp. vanilla (after taking 2 years of Spanish in high school, my brain now reads the "ll" sound as a "ya" sound - so, vaniya. Useless fact about me for you.)

 -1/2 tsp. baking soda

 -1 1/4 cup all purpose flour

 -1/2 cup quick cooking oats

 -3/4 cup m&ms (mini are the BEST)

 -1/4 cup chocolate chips

 -1/4 cup peanut butter chips (I actually haven't ever put these in, simply because I didn't have any in my pantry.)

    

   Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

   

   -Start by combining the butter, brown and white sugars in a large mixing bowl using a hand/stand mixer...or you have the option of grabbing a spoon and showing the mix who's boss...that works too.

   -Then, add the peanut butter and stir. Followed by the egg and stir again.

   -Measure in the baking soda and flour and stir until combined.

   -Stir in the Oats, m&ms, choc. chips, and pb chips.

   

  -Plop desired cookie size onto greased baking sheet and then smoosh them down since they don't spread on their own.

   Bake 9-10 minutes but no longer!

  -Let cool 2-3 minutes.

  -Now turn on Netflix and grab a big glass of milk and enjoy! 

  *Note: Cannot be held responsible for your guilt or weight gain after consuming these cookies.

  OK! Now to the cookie that may not be quite as delicious (but pretty close, in my book.) These are Gluten Free and Guilt Free! I ate 5 of these bad boys with coconut almond milk and still lost a pound!  

   Peanut Butter Chocolate Cookies:

   This is my own version from a recipe in the book 'Trim Healthy Mama" (which I highly encourage you to read.).

  -1 Cup of Peanut Butter

  -1 Egg

  -Add 1 tsp. of cocoa, a dash and a half of cinnamon, 1 1/2 tsp. vanilla, and about 1/4 cup of Stevia (add more or less to desired taste).

 

   -Mix all ingredients (it will seem kind of watery when you first start stirring but keep going until it gets to a nice, thick, smooth dough.

    Preheat oven to 330 degrees F. (adjust if your oven cooks at a higher or lower temp.)

   -Place parchment paper on cookie sheet and plop about 1 inch balls onto sheet and then smoosh them down. 

  *Additions: Feel free to add dark chocolate chips (my kids like mini m&ms). Also, I like to sprinkle a little extra Stevia on top, before I place them in the oven.

      Bake for 13 minutes.

     -Place them carefully onto a plate and place in the refrigerator for at least 30 minutes.

     

    And again, turn on Netflix and enjoy (but without the guilt)!

   I'd love your feedback on what you thought of either of the recipes! Have a lovely weekend, one that is hopefully filled with cookies!

   

   

Positive > Negative

I don't know about you, but I often have days where I'm just done. I get so weary of the day to day beat downs. If  you're a mom, or have co-workers that act like children, you know what I'm talking about. Every conversation is a battle of sorts over one thing or another and somehow you feel as if they're talking circles around you.. You knew at the beginning of a particular argument what your point was and had facts to back it up, you started out confident and sure of yourself.... and by the middle of this conversation, they've asked their "why"s and their "how"s and they've made it very clear that they do NOT want to do what you have told them.... and before you know it, you find your self grasping at "because I said so"s and probably a raised voice that matches your raised eyebrows...and suddenly, you've become your mother! Then you're stuck on that thought, and, if you're a woman, most likely a thousand other thoughts like: "I need to defrost chicken for dinner", "I forgot to call so and so", "Did I even brush my teeth today? *sniff sniff*", etc... And then you realize, wait! I'm still trying to convince my 2 year old that it's not OK to be naked in public and for the LOVE of all things, please put on your shirt! So the battle continues. This ONE instance in itself just drains you of all you have. Now, if you're not a parent, I'm positive that you can think of someone in your life who resembles my 2 year old I described, in one way or another. It's draining! As a parent, especially as a stay at home mom... 24/7 of disciplining, correcting, encouraging them NOT to belly flop off the couch but to hop off a pillow instead, directing their attention away from the bakery section at the store, and so on and so forth... is so mentally taxing some days, that by the time I finally get the kiddos into bed (for the 7th time), I have absolutely nothing left. I'm grouchy, I want to have 2 seconds to myself, I don't want to be asked any more questions... and typically, this exhausted attitude is, unfortunately, taken out on my poor husband who just wanted to hug me, just wanted to be my friend...and I turn on him like a wounded animal and bite his head off. Then I feel like an ABSOLUTE jerk and spend the rest of my evening beating myself, or him, over the head about how dumb I am. And so, I go to bed saying "tomorrow will be better", but it mostly never is. Why? Because my attitude sucks! Yes, these instances happen with our children or other people, yes life is difficult, yes we all struggle with finances, our health, and should I have posted that status on social media? Daily, we all race to get somewhere. To be someone. To just get to......not here. Not today. Because "tomorrow will be better"....right? Wrong. Tomorrow will not be better... if you don't fix your attitude! Where ever you are...you have the potential to bring life and love to that conversation, to that person, to that circumstance. You may not have the same religious beliefs as me... but an attitude adjustment towards the positive is a universal truth, not just a biblical Truth. Focusing on the positive and BEING positive (not just 'trying' to) are going to change your day so much! It is something I have to work on daily, and I'll be quite honest with you, I still fail. A lot. But I don't let that stop me. Your kind gesture, smile, or encouraging words could be just what someone needed that day. Don't wait for the positive to happen in your life, be the positive... it's like a magnet. -Those are my deep thoughts for today.

That all being said, if you're still reading at this point, thank you! My goal for this blog is to bring positive into your life and even into mine! I hope to post encouraging stories, funny stories and pictures that happen in our life but probably mostly about my sweet kiddos, recipes will probably be posted simply because...food is wonderful and sometimes food is just needed for comfort, and any other random things I deem positive will be blogged. Check in often!