My Darling Children,
All children are special. It's true. And in my biased opinion, you three are more special than all of them. But in my un-biased opinion... you are extra special because you have loved me through more.
Every parent has flaws and difficult circumstances that they have to work through. That is just life.
But I want to thank you, my Loves. Because you have loved me through depression and anxiety. When mommy is so deeply sad that it hurts way back in my heart, and I don't know why... and tears fall down my face.... you put your pudgy hand in mine and don't say anything, you're just there with me. When the anxiety overwhelms me and I over-react and yell at you, and you strongly stand your ground... I am proud of you; You respectfully remind me that you are a person too and I need to get control of myself. When my body aches from the severe depression and I'm a "potato", and I can't get down on the floor to play with you... you courageously play alone, or use your creativity to think up something we can play while I don't feel well. Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in a kaleidoscope with music that is turned up too loud while wearing a straight jacket; you see me shut my eyes tight and plug my ears to try to ground myself.... then you grab my hand and say "I want to play hide-and-seek too!" ..... Or when I feel purposeless, and I'm desperately trying to look for the Light and grab onto it, you remind me that you need me... you want me. I am the only mommy that will do; You remind me that God trusted me with you three and knew that I am the best mommy for you.
You give me courage to keep going, laughter to sooth my scarred heart, and hugs to hold on to.
I will keep growing. I will keep fighting. You are worth it.
Words can't describe how proud I am of you: Ian, my confident boy; Andrew, my compassionate one; Ivy, my piece of joy.
I love you a bushel and a peck,
Mommy
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